Self-love or self-care: Chicken or egg?
Everyone talks about self-care, the importance of it, and how to do it. Especially during times of anxiety and stress, (which is almost always these days), many recommend self-care activities as a remedy. Yet, no matter how much we know or understand the benefits and importance of self-care activities, more often than not, there is a gap between what we know and what we do.
Why do we withhold self-care from ourselves? Because LOVE is key to caring. When do we consistently care for ourselves? When we have first done the work on our self-LOVE. Yes, there can be caring without LOVE but, in LOVE, many of us feel a deep need to demonstrate care and concern for our beLOVed. Ideally, we explore our self-LOVE before we approach self-care, specifically, an exploration and re/discovery of self-LOVE, how we view it and how we approach it.
The EmBODY LOVE model is about an approach to self-LOVE that reflects the way we LOVE others. The same characteristics of a successful LOVE relationship are the characteristics of a successful self-LOVE relationship. What we find important in LOVE relationships with someone else is key to finding our way to LOVEing and caring for ourselves.
LOVE is also an emotion. In a healthy context, it is a good feeling that creates a deep need for us to reciprocate by contributing to our beLOVEd feeling equally good. This emotional aspect is important to the EmBODY LOVE model for self-LOVE. When we are in LOVE, we pay attention to and are concerned about the feelings of our beLOVEd. We have a keen awareness of how and why our beLOVEd feels, both good and bad. We accept them fully for who they are, for better or worse. And have a deep desire to act only in their best interests and with compassion.
The EmBODY LOVE model applies these distinct characteristics of a healthy, successful LOVE relationship to our own self-LOVE. The model defines self-LOVE as the sum of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-compassion multiplied by intention. And the most effective self-care can only be achieved as the sum of the actions you take when you have mastered self-LOVE through this intentional exploration and discovery of self-awareness, -acceptance and -compassion.
Now, ask yourself: How often do you feel “good?” What activities make you feel good and why? What makes you feel “not-so-good?” How can you minimize time spent with people, in places and doing things that make you feel “bad?” How do you honor and focus on what is truly in your best interests? By answering these questions, you are not only demonstrating LOVE for yourself, you will be able to more effectively define and identify the most LOVEing self-care activities for you.
Self-care is an outcome of the process of self-LOVE and the intention to make space and create more joy and peace for our beLOVEd self. Self-LOVE thus empowers and enables us to demonstrate true self-care. When we LOVE others, it is a joy to pay attention to and show care for those we LOVE. When we have self-LOVE, it is a joy to pay attention to ourselves through self-care.
Tanya Leake, certified wellness coach and instructor, is the founder of the EmBODY WELL Wellness Studio and the designer of the EmBODY LOVE program. If you want to learn to practice the EmBODY LOVE model of self-LOVE, join Tanya on the next EmBODY LOVE virtual retreat series, or set up a consultation or private series. Information is available at http://embodywell.com.
